The Importance Of Friendship

I have many friends, a loving family and the longest-term (though, also longest-distance) boyfriend I've ever had... but just one person who lives within hobbling distance who I can rely on. She shall be known here as L.

Living with social issues, depression, chronic pain and fatigue often keeps me away from those group activities that lend themselves to making friends, and it's very easy when all those little problems add up to one big reclusive whole to feel like you're not deserving of a friend who is really there when you finally crack and need somebody.

I have been truly and deeply humbled by everything L has done for me over the last couple of months, when my pain has been crippling, doctor visits became weekly events and the drugs I was on seemed to make my AS symptoms ten times worse. I was a mess. I turned up on her doorstep completely unannounced after my physio kicked me out and told me to go to the hospital.

As soon as I was over the threshold, I collapsed in tears... and I do NOT cry easily. (Perspective: grandparents' funerals/memorials and every wedding but my own sister's have seen me totally dry-eyed. And the latter was for reasons I won't go into here.)

L not only took this entirely in her stride, providing tea until I could pull myself together enough to call NHS Direct to confirm whether a hospital trip was needed. We had by then established that I would only be able to see my GP the following day, and would have to get up around 7am to actually get an emergency appointment. We called the number, and they booked me an out-of-hours appointment at the hospital after a brief chat. The hospital doctor seemed not to be able to do much other than give me painkillers (guess what, co-codamol does NOTHING for the nerve pain of a herniated disc) and recommend that I get myself seen for an MRI. So I stayed at L's that night and she got me up with a cuppa in the morning and we went to see the GP.

As it turned out, that was the visit that I found my replacement GP (the last one I established a connection with quit to be a hospital registrar doctor shortly after getting married/being on honeymoon for a month) and L was so impressed (having met at least half the GPs in the practice with me) she's going to ask to see him too when she moves registration from campus. But I digress. I was given a new cocktail of drugs, including Tramadol, and told that if I had private insurance (I do) then now was definitely the time to use it, as the NHS had a nearly 3 month waiting list for MRI scans.

The next 4 Mondays I was at the local BUPA-approved private hospital. First was just a consultation, I went on my own. Next was the MRI... L came with me. The following week was a follow-up with the consultant, I went alone but headed straight to L's afterwards, with the diagnosis and spinal steroid injections booked for the next Monday. She came with me for that - just as well, as it turned out I was in a well-outfitted but nevertheless Hospital Room for the entire afternoon. They eventually discharged me but said to be looked after overnight. You guessed it... at L's. And in the interest of making sure our friendship occasionally has some good shared memories rather than just being a hospital buddy, we've pencilled in a trip to a posh afternoon tea place for when I'm feeling better and back on my feet.

It's said that we all need someone we could call at 3am and be garunteed a friendly voice. I have plenty of those, when you've got 400 facebook contacts and parents who live halfway round the planet there's always *someone* up. But in this age of constant communication, it's easy to forget that NOTHING is more important than having someone who will be there, ready with a cup of tea and a hug, when you turn up on the doorstep in tears.

For the last year or so, I've been living alone for the first time ever. In the past it's been flatmates, or boyfriends in various states of cohabiting, who were there for me when the shit hit the fan. Now more than ever I really appreciate the value of somewhere I can go. So here's to L, who makes the best damn chocolate chip cookies in the world, and has been the anchor I've clung to as I take my first steps towards finding my life again.